Nagging your Significant Other? Not a Great Idea

Category: Mental Health

Experts agree that nagging can result in significant problems in a relationship, often driving a wedge in the partnership and even interfering with intimacy. Unfortunately, most naggers don't know they are nagging unless their spouse or partner remarks on it. Another way to recognize that you are a nagger is to watch for telltale signs, like thinking of different ways to phrase the same complaint, or saying things like "I've told you over and over and you still won't..."

The bad news for women is that they are more often the nagger. Jamie Turndorf, PhD, a couples therapist says, "Women take on the lion's share of nagging because many women find it difficult to directly communicate their needs, they fall into the fatal trap of whining and nagging about what they aren't getting rather than directly stating what they want, need, or expect from their partner. Unfortunately, whining and nagging doesn't put a man into a giving mood, and a vicious cycle is born: The more her man starves her of what she wants, the more she nags and the less likely he is to be responsive to her wishes."

Recognizing this damaging pattern of behavior is the first step to improving a relationship suffering from the effects of nagging. Obviuosly, eliminating the nagging is key, but changing a behavior is very difficult. By switching to a healthier means of communication, a relationship will certainly reap the benefits. Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, a marriage and family therapist and author of several relationship books, including Getting Through to the Man you Love and The Sex-Starved Marriage lends some advice. She says,"Think about a time when you asked your partner to do something, and he did it, and then think about what you did differently that worked. Learn from that situation, and change future situations accordingly so you don't need to nag." Often couples need guidance and a good marriage counselor can be very valuable to a dysfunctional couple.

Posted by Dr. Jennifer Stagg on June 17, 2014 11:00 AM